By Michelle Bowden
It’s the little things that drive us crazy.
In a world with significant concerns like climate change, war, and slavery, it may seem surprising that people often turn to me, a persuasion expert, for assistance with what might appear relatively silly matters…
For example:
“My colleagues won’t load the dishwasher.”
“My child won’t stop gaming and won’t do their homework.”
“My partner watches the cricket loudly on the TV over the weekend and I can’t stand it droning on!”
Do you see what I mean? These are seemingly small things and when Dr Richard Carlson said, “Don’t sweat the small stuff” in his best-selling book, Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff, he was referring to this. This is the “small stuff”.
But guess what? These matters incite physical reactions from people. What might be a silly matter to you is seriously annoying for them. They tense up, their faces turn pink, and they sigh with exasperation.
They also often say to me, “what’s wrong with my (partner/child/colleague)? “Can’t they see how frustrated I am? Why are they so stubborn? Why won’t they listen to me?”
These small matters of a mole hill (nit picking and mild nagging) can turn into a mountain (“if they loved me, they’d change”). What starts as a seemingly minor annoyance gradually escalates into a significant problem.
How persuasive are you? Have you thought about your persuasiveness? Do people listen when you speak? Do you often get your own way? Do you know how to deal with the small matters? Are you successful every time? Or do you get agitated about matters and allow them to ruin your relationships?
We Persuade Everyday …. I Counted 65!
There are opportunities to persuade the people around us, daily. Just for fun, I counted the persuasion moments I observed in a day, and it totaled to 65. Some of the persuasion moments were obvious like selling my keynote speech to a client or negotiating new business terms. Other moments were less obvious: I asked my daughter to pick up after herself, persuaded my colleague to complete a task prior to the deadline, and my husband to take us out to dinner. And yes, I caught 65 moments of persuasion in that one day – some were straightforward, others required more awareness.
In these little moments, it’s persuasion that helps the other person move from stubbornness to acceptance.
Our Persuasiveness is Limited
Persuasion becomes crucial when the stakes are high, and we rely on stakeholders to listen and take necessary action. Depending on your personality and persuasion style, some people are easier for us to persuade than others. If you’ve ever found yourself unsure about the most effective way to persuade someone or if you want to hear “yes” more often, it’s essential to develop your persuasive skills for all situations, not just the easy ones.
There’s a GAP in Your Persuasiveness – There Must Be!
There are four persuasive types. To make it easier to remember, I’ve named them after birds. The four types are: The Wise Owl, The Commanding Eagle, The Friendly Budgie, and The Captivating Peacock.
Each person tends to have a primary and secondary type – these are our persuasive strengths. But, we also have a least preferred type – a weakness. This means that there’s a GAP in your persuasiveness. After filling that gap, you’ll hear the word ‘yes’ more often!
Why Care about the GAP in Your Persuasiveness?
People are persuaded by different things. Some won’t be persuaded unless your argument is rational, logical, and backed by research. Others care about the credibility of the messenger. They need to know you’re an expert in the field. Then, there are people who need to emotionally connect with you before opening themselves up for persuasion. And finally, there are people who need to feel your passion and enthusiasm before they can be persuaded.
Case Study
Here’s an example. My husband, Ian, is a Wise Owl. The following behaviours are consistent with The Wise Owl:
- Conducts research, and analysis before drawing conclusions.
- Provides sound arguments based on analysis.
- Demonstrates good judgement through deep understanding of the argument.
- Uses a rational, well-structured flow for their argument.
- Demonstrates calmness and composure in the face of antagonism.
- Assumes that everyone will be as interested in the analysis as they are.
When my husband persuades like an old wise wizard! People are often impressed by his knowledge and ability to articulate his arguments in a clear, clam and well-structured manner. He’s often well-versed about the topic and acknowledges both sides of the argument. He’s difficult to argue with for this reason! However, he struggles when persuading The Captivating Peacock – someone who values an expressive, animated communication style with memorable, entertaining, and inspiring stories. They find him boring, unemotional, unconvincing. I’m a Peacock and we’ve been happily married for a long time – but that’s a story for another day!
The point?
You’re not trying to persuade yourself! It’s important to wield your strengths with all four persuasive types so that you can summon the right approach depending on the person. Master your persuasion in all four approaches and watch as you become an expert in persuasion. Success!
How can you improve your persuasiveness in life?
My book, How to Persuade: The Skills You Need to Get What You Want, is the latest research into persuasion. It’s PACKED with tools you can use to improve your ability to persuade others in any situation, gradually and consistently.
Whether you’re a leader seeking to keep your team engaged and productive, an entrepreneur who needs investors or clients to buy, or a parent who needs to persuade your child, this book will show you how to persuade even the most stubborn in your life.
Happy persuading!
Learn more on my website:
©2023 MICHELLE BOWDEN CSP is an authority on persuasive presenting in business. She’s run her Persuasive Presentation Skills Masterclass over 980 times for more than 13,000 people over the past 24 years and her name is a synonym for ‘presentation skills’ in Australia. She’s a multi-million-dollar pitch coach to her client list that reads like a who’s who of international business: banking and finance, IT, pharmaceutical, retail, telecommunications plus many more. Michelle is the creator of the Persuasion Smart Profile®, a world-first psychological assessment tool that reports on your persuasive strengths and weaknesses at work, the best-selling internationally published author of How to Present: the ultimate guide to presenting live and online (Wiley) and her new book is called How to Persuade: the skills you need to get what you want (Wiley).
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